thou shalt respect the hoodie of inner pain (kyaa_kawaii) wrote in shape_of_melody,
thou shalt respect the hoodie of inner pain
kyaa_kawaii
shape_of_melody

super junior; facing the truth

Facing the truth
Kibum-centric/KiHae(Kibum/Donghae) au, pg
Kibum realized that nothing in this world is fair. So he built himself an imaginary world to where he could escape whenever he wanted, needed.

A/N: I was having problems writing even though it itched in me to write so I asked x_saru_x  to give me a prompt and she did and it turned into this. (Her prompt was You can't always get what you want, but you can sure like hell pretend you can.) And after having written this, I realize I didn't really stick to the prompt but that's okay since she doesn't read KiHae anyway :D

I

When Kibum was six years old he realized nothing in this world really is fair. It was a simple thing really. The cookie which he had been eyeing for a good two hours in his waiting for his mother to give it to him, was given as a thank to a neighbor boy who came by to give them a letter that by accident had been delivered to his house. That was when he had realized, pissed off at the blissfully unknowing neighbor boy, that things just don’t go the way you want them.

II

By the time Kibum turned eight he had managed to attain a certain position as the know-it-all in his class and he had made up his own world. His fantasy world was surprisingly unlike a world an eight year old was supposed to make up, the trees weren’t made out of sugar, it didn’t rain candy, and it wasn’t a world from a game nor was it fantasy world in the meaning of fantasy as in those fantasy games and movies you could find almost everywhere. No, his world looked a lot like the real world but in it you could never do any mistakes and everything was fair and square.

III

When Kibum was ten and a half he started getting pressured by his parents to do well in school and when he sometimes happened to not do his best, they told him they were disappointed at him. That’s when all things such as grades and best and worst disappeared from Kibum’s fantasy world.

IV

As an eleven year old boy Kibum started wondering if his fantasy world perhaps was childish and plain stupid. He had never heard of anybody who had a world like his own to where they’d escape when things got too much or when they simply wanted to not have to think about doing the right or wrong thing. He tried to stop thinking of his world, but when his teacher scolded a boy in his class who had accidentally broken a window with a baseball ball, he couldn’t help but to think about how the teacher in his world would have comforted the boy instead of scolding him with that nasal voice of hers.

V

When he was thirteen and he and his friend were on their way home from school, he saw how three boys who were a few years older than him were standing in a circle around a boy with orange hair. The boys shouted something at the boy who stood there in the middle of the circle, head held up high and the orange of his hair shining brightly, almost fiercely, against the grey of the surroundings. The first blow hit him in the stomach and he doubled over with pain, face scrunched up in a grimace. The next hit had him falling to the ground. The boys around him moved closer but he tried to get up anyway. Kibum felt respect for the boy’s persistent way of not giving up. Then a man walking with a dog yelled at the boys to stop and like a flash they were gone. The orange headed boy stumbled up, wiping away some blood from his lower lip and thanked the man with a quick bow.

As he walked away, limping slightly, Kibum’s friend turned to Kibum. Did you know that he’s gay?

No, Kibum had not known that but suddenly the whole fight made more sense in a way that actually was ridiculous. Why should it be obvious that the boy would get beaten up just because he was gay? Kibum decided that in his world, everybody should be able to like whoever they want, end of story.

VI

Kibum was sixteen when he for the first time in his life experienced real love and heartbreak. Her name was Grace, she came from England and she spoke broken Korean with an accent that had made his heart jump. In his eyes, she was pretty with dirty blond hair and big green eyes that seemed to see through everything. She played piano with a skill that made his ear want to bleed but since he never had been so fond of piano playing anyway it didn’t bother him. For him it was just a confirmation that she actually still was human. With courage he had borrowed from his friend, he asked her out in stilted English, only for her to laugh and response in as stilted Korean, but at least it was a yes and the world could not have seemed brighter.

But as all good things end, she had to go back to England only after a year with the promises of writing and keeping in contact, leaving Kibum to deal with his broken heart alone. He didn’t want to experience heartbreak like that again so he forbid it in his imaginary world, placing Grace in a tower behind locked doors to where only he had the keys. She remained the way she had looked that last day on the airport all through the years that would follow, green sparkling eyes and tousled dirty blond hair to a smiling red mouth whispering the words I love you into his ear, the words that he had wanted to say but had been unable to.

VII

He graduated high school at an age of 18 with perfect grades and his hat perfectly winkled on his head, his diploma clenched hard in his hand. The sweat on his hand made a faint wet spot on the diploma. He threw up his hat along with everyone else, but didn’t catch it the way the others did. Instead he let it fall down to the ground and into a puddle of water and mud. Later that day he looked at the mud spatter all over his hat and thought that it certainly was suiting with the way the whole world was dirty. He made dirt and mud to a good thing in his fantasy world.

VIII

Instead of going to university like his parents wanted him to, he looked for a job right away. Somehow he ended up in the reception of a bigger company which was working with getting young talents contracts to different CD-labels or entertainments. He didn’t hate his work but it wasn’t exactly the way he had imagined spending his days when he was little. He had a nice boss; Kim Jongwoon was his name and he wasn’t all that much older than Kibum. Kim Jongwoon, or Yesung as he once used to call himself and the nickname had stuck to Kibum when he was told about it, was one of Kibum’s few friends. The friend he had in high school disappeared quickly when he found out Kibum wasn’t going to university. But university wasn’t everything, Kibum thought the first day of his work and cheered together with Yesung, lightly hitting his glass against the other’s. University disappeared from Kibum’s world.

IX

He met Lee Donghae at an age of twenty and that was when the walls of his imaginary world started to quiver for the first time. Donghae literally danced into the reception and breathlessly told him, Yesung hyung was right; you’re a real hottie, with a smile that probably put the most flash torches to shame. Kibum did nothing but staring blankly and stupidly at him. Oh, sorry, I’m so impolite. I’m Lee Donghae, twenty-one, dancer and I think you should kiss me.

X

When Kibum was twenty-one he still hadn’t kissed Donghae. And Donghae pointed out that all the time. What kind of friends kiss? Kibum had asked him just about as many times as Donghae had asked him to kiss him. Best friends, Donghae told him with a pirouette and a roll of his eyes. Kibum didn’t really agree on that one, but couldn’t keep himself from wishing Donghae actually was right. Donghae, unknowingly, started ripping and tearing down every single wall Kibum had built around his fantasy world and Kibum found himself facing things he earlier had ran away from. He wasn’t alone though, he thought as Donghae’s warm hand got sweaty in his and his heart started beating just that bit faster and harder when Donghae’s thumb ran over his knuckles.

XI

He was twenty-two when he locked up the doors to Grace’s tower and let her out without a thought of regret. Go, he said to her, run away before this whole thing crashes. She ran and ran and ran, so fast it was like she was flying and Kibum realized he would never have been able to keep her forever, her departure would always come, however late it might be, it would still come. And he watched her turn into an airplane and lift from the ground, very much like the way she had disappeared from his life before. His imaginary world crashed around his feet, only pieces of the blue sky and the green grass left. Once again Donghae helped him with his world without knowing it, this time he helped him pick up the pieces of what was left and threw them into the trash bin. He didn’t have to pretend anymore. Kibum was ready to face the truth now. And he leaned in to kiss Donghae.


The End
Old post you cannot see the old post; it's only here to make it easier for me to find it
Tags: au, character: kibum, fandom: super junior, pairing: kibum/donghae, pg
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